I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
