Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
