Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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