I hate all girls vehemently.
false alarm. still invincible.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
