You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
