why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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