i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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