Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
