My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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