Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
