i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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