She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
