So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
