please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
