Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
