Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my liver is dry heaving
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
