First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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