well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
