i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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