Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
