I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How external is "for external use only"?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
