I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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