I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
