Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
