i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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