that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
