I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
