What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
