There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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