allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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