my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i jhust puked up my retainher.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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