i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
