I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
