Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
