...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
