She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
