hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
