Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
