three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
