No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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