I got chris browned last night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
