Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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