Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
