I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
