Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
