good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
