The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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