so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
