I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
