"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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