Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The feeling are messing with the penis
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
