well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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