Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Found your dick twin last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
