I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
