I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
