He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
