: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My feet surprised me
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