I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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